Well, I'm not updating at this journal again! Why? Well, so many memories are here that I don't want to remember I need to let go of. Good and Bad alike...I'm releasing my past, the regrets, sorrow, tears, happiness, love...all those emotions I'm releasing. I have to for my future...

Why not just delete the whole journal?

Hm...everyhing of mine is MindlessBabble05 and I can't bring myself to just delete this...I mean the past 2 or 3 years is on here! I'm a whimp. :: cries :: hehe.

But just meet me at my new LJ account--- xxlil_konekoxx Beware, I'm using the LJ Cuteness Attack layout until I can do my own...so...its...cute. lol a big change from this one.

Just comment to be added at: xxlil_konekoxx I will see you there my friends!

xoxoxox
Nikki-chan!

Night and Mare

Tonight!

Live in Lubbock or any of the surrounding cities? Come see my band and I tonight! Call for directions!

Love, Nyte

Any SE Hintions' The Outsiders fans? Like fanfiction? See me at my other journal---purifieddarknes

VoicePost 105K 0:32

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Sighs. I didn't write that, I take no credit in it. Honest. I don't know who did...When I read it, it gave me chills. I just had to share it.

Join this OTEP community

I hate being a woman.

Period.

Yep.


Dangit, they don't need me to walk the floor today. Ira lied to me. I could've went to Beccas party! Shoot.

dag-nab-it.

Yesterday: I'm waiting to work, sitting in my car. I Switch out CDs. I put my ticket in my purse, I know its in my purse. I go into work. CDs still on my seats.

Work. Work. Work. "Thank you for calling Comcast." firse break. work work. work. Ticket still in purse. Lunch. work.work.work.

Last break.

"Hey are those your Cigerretes? (I can't spell." Co worker points to cigs on the ground. "Oh yeah! Thanks!" Place cigs in purse.

Small bage ticket. Gone.

Shit. Stolen. Maybe. Lost? Yep.

Don't call me a liar.

~*~*~*~

Ok, besides being called a liar by one of my oldest friends. My day still sucked. My aunt and uncle are in town. They're from Boswell, OK. They love the bible and meat.

They have a vegitarian pagan niece.

And they point that out OFTEN!

So, I have to drive my aunt to Hobby Lobby...I can't play my music. Driving is my "Peace Place". Not this time.

We get back, I just go up to my room. Sleep.

~*~*~

AJ is bugging the shit out of me. I can't stand the troll. I don't even talk to her anymore, besides a "Hi." or a wassup head nod. Why? Well...I can't stand her.

I want to kick her ass.

Just when I look up and she's looking at me...I want to break her neck. When she tries to speak to me. I want to punch her in the face. When she tries to grab me I want to cut her head off!

I'm going to team up with a co-worker (actually co-wokers ALOT OF PEOPLE AT CONVERGYS HATE HER) of mine we're just gonna beat her ass!

"Bleed Like Me"

Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
You should see my scars
You should see my scars

For many reasons for now on my entries will be FRIENDS ONLY. I'm not going to worry about the past post.


Credit to get_pretty366

COMMENT TO BE ADDED...!

I was reading over my journal....

WHAT A LOAD OF BULL CRAP!

Making love----fucking disgusting shit. She'd hurt me then she would hold me, said she loved me.

I loved her----I don't know. I hate her now...did I love her then. I cared for her...yes. But, love? I don't know.

Everyday shed hurt me....call me names, hit me, bite me...

I'm a fool.

~*~*~

I've been trying to figure out how to make this journal Friends Only...but I can't figure out how...

Anyone know?

~*~*~

~*~*~

Alex and I hung out today. It was fun, too me. We saw Madagascar...kinda funny...it was weird. In the past I would be clinging onto him...he'd hold me...kiss me.

The whole day, I just wanted him to take me into his arms, kiss me and tell me he loved me again. I just...want another chance. I know I love him.

I'm an idiot...

I want to be able to wear his ring on my finger again, and my ring on his...and to see both rings together when we hold hands...

I want my love back...

"You know no one wants you but me. You're nothing but dirty shit..."
-AJ.

Maybe you're right...but you're not what or who I want. I want you out of my life. Go away, leave me alone.

A feel good quiz by cerulean_dreams
your name is...
your eyes	are dazzling
your hair	is lovely
your smile	is stunning
your body	is elegant and stunning
your hugs	are given to all who need them
your kiss	is dreamy
your love	spreads to all around you
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Wow it's already June 2nd! I'm happy cause that means I've been working for damned Convergys for 6 months and I can apply at 2 different places and if I get a job at either of those I start at like $9 something! Yay!

Today and tomorrow are my regular scheduled days off. Saturday, I MIGHT go in but if they start crap with me I'm out. I like alot of my co-workers and I really don't want to quit because of them. But, my bosses and AJ make it a hell....

Well, Alex and I are going to hang out today so...I better finish getting ready. Bye!

How will you know I am hurting,
If you cannot see my pain?
To wear it on my body
Tells what words cannot explain.
~~ C. Blount

I relaized something. I don't cut on my arms anymore. I don't know why. I punish my legs now...

I can't go to work. I need to find a new job. I quit. Convergys sucks...get the pen, give me the application. I need to find something new.

Right now, I'm just at home, I'm suppose to go to work at 2:30, I don't think so...hell, I'm off until I find a new job. Dammit...I have a car payment to take care of.

Car payment...$220.
Insurence...$300.
Wanting to go to Austin....priceless.

I'm broke. Shit.

I want Malt O Meal...oh yeah I bought some yesterday. Yay!

Alex and I have been talking alot. We're friends. I'm happy. REALLY happy. For alittle over a month, I was forcing my happiness...I don't know, the only reason I think that is because...I feel so tired. Worn, In that month I cut more then I ever had in the years past.

I'm happy he's back. I never want to let go again.